Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Rape,Delhi n Flash Disks ... Dicks !!!

In this world where we find ourselves walking on a tightrope where on one side we are faced with the advances in various fields and the big stride towards a better world  and  still regressing as a nation and contributing in our own ways on the other side,Id rather choose not to take the next step.

RAPE ( Ridiculously Atrocious Penile Expression ) isn't an act of physical abuse or a show of ego or dominance,its more importantly a derangement of cognition.A Rape had already occurred in the mind before it happened in the Delhi Bus that day.Such is the outrage in the country that you would pardon me if I wrote this post completely in CAPITAL LETTERS !! but then venting out frustration n calling a petition for death penalty isn't going to solve the problem,the problem that is in the minds.Sure Legalizing Prostitution and Pay Channels for Pornography may help to curb  issues but who are we kidding We still believe that the  Ganges is clean n a dip in it wud make our souls Purer !! ( No Offences )

Analogically speaking the problem is that men treat the Penis the same way they treat their Pen Drives : A temporary storage device containing Flash memory that can be periodically erased n reprogrammed just as a sick horny guy fashion's his Penis to do so with a gush of blood that's diverted from his brains.
Sure It comes in various Shapes and sizes like those Pen drives do to cater to everyone's needs and fantasies.
It sure has a wide range of capacity too,be it small large n extra large just like the 8,16 and 32 gb versions of its counterpart.

Both are meant to be carried in your pants comfortably and used ONLY  when required but then we all know how difficult it is to keep it in our pants when u are at a friends place for a party and suddenly you enter the bedroom and Booom !!! you find the latest DvdRip copy of the potential Oscar winner Argo and u just cant resist putting it on your drive on and taking it back home.( P.S- We need to curb Piracy too !! )

I am sorry to all the women on behalf of the men around and I sincerely wish that in future where we become slaves of technology and Men decide to use the Penis as our PenDrives I hope we obey the simple instruction that pops up everytime u decide to get it out :
 " You can now Safely Remove your Hard Dick...Disk "

Thank you.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Life of P.... Ponting !!!

Camera PanShot of a 8-1 offside field ... Mcgrath running in with a new ball ....[Switch] Zooms in on Ricky standing in the slip cordon , collar up , a quick glance at mid on , a slight adjustment of the baggy green and then the trademark spit on the palms getting ready to take a blinder of a catch !! he takes it and they flock in a circle to congratulate him and ruffle his hair and  since we were all aware of  his Spit Coated hands a handshake would be the singlemost act of stupidity indeed.

If cricket was to be compared to a silly show from India about riding bikes Ricky Ponting would be a contestant from Chandigarh or Delhi screaming out the cliche " Tu jaanta nahi mera baap kaun hai " every time an Aleem Dar or a Steve Buknor turned down a decision against him or erroneously send him back to the pavillion.But Ricky Ponting was more than just a young bloke with a drinking problem , so much so that when he decided to make a mark on the game all he had to do was take a step forward swivel on his backfoot and pull the ball to the midwicket fence and carry on tonking attacks all over the world with killer instincts,sheer confidence n  ruthlessness : qualities used to usually describe a Heavyweight Boxer rather than a Cricketer.

For most parts of his career he battled being compared to Sachin [ not bad at all ] and to be honest he did have a period of dominance where stepping out to bat meant an inevitable hundred and a subsequent victory for the Aussies.Perhaps the most dominant batsmen of the modern era during his peak , the most feared and certainly the most valued aussie wicket consisting of a lineup of the likes of Langer Hayden Waughs Gilly during those glory days.

As an opposition you would love to hate him purely for the confidence when he was out to bat and frequent tons he made.He wasn't in the mould of Rahul Dravid coming out to bat at no.3 but then he was never meant to be not when Rod Marsh spotted him at the academy as a teenager nor when he decided to make those twin tons in his 100th test vs the South Africans and win the game at Sydney.Punter at his peak did not instill fear but he created fear from within you as an opposition.

A 100 Test Wins !! ,Ashes Wins,series Wins in every country,in every continent,3 World cups and what not,and yet for some he will be remembered as the Aussie captain who lost the Ashes THRICE !! and failed to Defend a WC after fucking winning 3 in a row as a playern 2 of them as a captain.Facing your critics must be hard and if you are ponting it got harder as he inched closer to the fag end of his career.Never a natural as a captain to bring out the best out of his players as Taylor could or Waugh would , but whose to blame when u have been served the 11 most talented men together as a team the world of cricket has seen.Captaincy made him a better batsmen which is remarkable knowing what it did to Sachin 

He chose to stay on even after his invincible teammates left the arena one by one : some say it was for the love of the game , some say it was to prove certain ppl wrong .His reflexes faded , his swivel turned jerky but he still had a few fights left in him.And then as the time came to call an end to what was a highly successful career he decided to end it where it all started at the WACA

You could love him for his shots , envy him for his records ,or hate him for his guts but at the end of the day there will never be a moment when you wud walk past him and not be in Awe of the fact that hes Tasted Success more frequently than Matt George and Gary have delicacies on Masterchef Australia .

Good Bye Punter the odds will always be in your Favour !!!